Deschooling is the bridge between school (or school-at-home) and genuine unschooling. It's the period when children and parents shed school conditioning—the assumptions, habits, and expectations absorbed from years of traditional education.
Without deschooling, families often recreate school at home. Children wait to be told what to do. Parents feel compelled to assign work. Everyone measures success against school standards. The freedom of unschooling can't flourish until these patterns release.
Key takeaways
- Deschooling is the transition period when children and parents unlearn school-based expectations about education
- A common guideline is one month of deschooling per year of schooling—but timelines vary widely by individual
- Both children AND parents need to deschool—parental deschooling often takes longer than children's
- Initial chaos, boredom, or excessive screen time during deschooling is normal and usually temporary
What Is Deschooling?
Deschooling isn't doing nothing—it's actively recovering from school. Children who've attended school have learned specific behaviors: waiting for instructions, seeking external approval, associating learning with assignments, and viewing self-directed time as "wasted."
These patterns don't disappear overnight. Deschooling provides the time and space for them to fade, allowing natural curiosity to re-emerge.
For children, deschooling means: - Recovering from burnout and stress - Remembering how to direct their own time - Reconnecting with intrinsic motivation - Learning to self-regulate without external schedules
For parents, deschooling means: - Releasing control over what children should be learning - Unlearning arbitrary grade-level expectations - Developing trust in child-led learning - Examining assumptions about education absorbed from their own schooling
How Long Does Deschooling Take?
The common guideline suggests one month of deschooling per year of schooling. A child who attended school through sixth grade might need six months or more before unschooling feels natural.
But this is a rough estimate, not a rule. Some children recover quickly; others need longer. Factors affecting deschooling time include:
School experience: Children who had particularly negative school experiences may need longer to decompress. Children who enjoyed school might mourn its loss before embracing alternatives.
Age: Older children have more conditioning to unlearn. Teenagers who've internalized school success metrics may take longer than elementary students.
Personality: Some children adapt quickly to change; others need more time in any transition. Honor your child's natural pace.
Parental readiness: If parents are still nervous about unschooling, children sense this. Parental confidence (even if partially faked initially) supports children's transition.
Family environment: A home rich with resources, engaged adults, and interesting activities supports faster transition than an empty environment with anxious parents.
Signs of Deschooling Progress
- Initial resistance fades: Children stop asking "what am I supposed to do today?" and begin initiating activities
- Natural interests emerge: Hobbies, projects, and fascinations appear that weren't part of school
- Self-regulation develops: Children begin managing their own time without constant boredom complaints
- Questions change: Instead of "will this be on the test?" children ask genuine curiosity questions
- Stress decreases: Physical symptoms (headaches, stomachaches, sleep problems) often improve
- Family relationships improve: Conflict around school and homework disappears; new connection forms
What to Expect During Deschooling
Deschooling often looks like nothing happening educationally—and that's okay. Common experiences include:
Lots of screen time: Children often binge on previously restricted activities. This usually moderates over time. Restricting heavily during deschooling recreates school-like control.
Apparent boredom: Children conditioned to have their time structured may not know what to do with themselves. Boredom often precedes creativity. Don't rush to fill the space.
Sleep changes: Children may sleep late, stay up late, or sleep unusual amounts as they recover from school schedules. Bodies often need rest after years of early mornings.
Resistance to anything "educational": Suggestions that smell like school get rejected. Even interesting books or activities may be refused if they feel like assignments. Respect this—forced enthusiasm isn't real.
Testing boundaries: Children may push limits to see if this freedom is real or temporary. Consistent responses (without recreating school rules) build trust over time.
Parental Deschooling
Parents often need deschooling more than children do. We've absorbed decades of assumptions about education that interfere with trusting unschooling.
Common parental struggles: - Fear that children will "fall behind" - Discomfort with unstructured time - Anxiety about explaining choices to others - Guilt about not doing "enough" - Compulsion to test or measure progress - Difficulty trusting children's judgment
Parental deschooling work: - Read books about unschooling and self-directed education - Connect with experienced unschooling families - Examine your own school experiences and their effects - Notice when school-based thinking arises and question it - Practice trusting small things before larger ones - Allow yourself to learn alongside your children
Parental deschooling often takes longer than children's. This is normal. Give yourself grace while working to release school conditioning.
Supporting Children Through Deschooling
While deschooling requires stepping back from curriculum, it doesn't mean disappearing:
Be present and available: Spend time with your children. Talk, play games, go places together. Your presence without agenda supports the transition.
Provide a rich environment: Books, art supplies, building materials, outdoor access. Not because you expect children to use them immediately, but because availability matters when interest emerges.
Don't criticize their choices: If they want to watch YouTube all day, don't shame them. Your judgment recreates the school dynamic where children's choices need adult approval.
Share your own interests: Do things you enjoy. Let children see adults engaging authentically with the world. This models self-directed living.
Answer questions genuinely: When children ask things, engage thoughtfully. This is learning happening—don't dismiss it because it doesn't look like school.
Maintain basic family expectations: Deschooling doesn't mean no rules. Household responsibilities, respectful behavior, and family connection continue. School expectations end; family expectations remain.
When Deschooling Feels Too Long
Sometimes deschooling seems to drag on indefinitely. How do you know if you're still deschooling or if something else is happening?
Consider whether you've actually stopped schooling: Are you still assigning work? Testing? Correcting? If school-like practices continue, deschooling can't complete.
Examine your anxiety: Are you reading lack of academic activity as a problem when it might be normal transition? Your worry might be extending the timeline by creating pressure.
Look at overall wellbeing: Is your child happy, curious about anything, engaged with life? If yes, the timeline might just be longer than expected. If not, something else might need attention.
Check for other issues: Depression, anxiety, learning differences, or family stress can look like extended deschooling. If you're concerned, seek appropriate support.
Connect with others: Experienced unschoolers can help distinguish normal deschooling from concerning patterns. Their perspective often reassures or redirects.
Next Steps
Deschooling is essential groundwork for unschooling. The transition period—however long it takes—allows school conditioning to fade and natural learning instincts to re-emerge.
Both children and parents need this time. Children need to recover from school's effects and remember how to direct their own learning. Parents need to release control, develop trust, and examine their own assumptions about education.
The process can feel uncomfortable. Watching children do "nothing educational" triggers school-induced anxiety. But this fallow period is productive—it's clearing the ground for authentic, self-directed learning to grow.
Trust the process. Support without directing. And give everyone—including yourself—the time needed for genuine transformation.
Next: Discover how natural learning happens in everyday life once deschooling clears the way.